Brexit has happened at last! What could possibly go wrong for Britain now?

By 4th January 2021Cairn News, News

The Brexit issue is now finally settled (or so they tell us), but it cannot separate Cairn from our European friends!

At the stroke of midnight UK time, and under the cover of New Year firework displays, a massive series of underwater explosions was detonated around our coasts, in order to separate the UK from the European mainland and then allow it to be towed safely away from the evil influence of the European Union.  The resulting tidal wave did sink our fishing fleet, about which we had made so much fuss in the Brexit negotiations, but sometimes one does have to make sacrifices after all.

But more worrying is that our government’s predilection for “having had enough of experts” means that insufficient attention was paid to the geology of these islands, resulting in these detonations opening up (to them) previously unknown fault lines.  The more robust geology of Scotland has left it more strongly attached to Europe than to England, so any attempts to tow the UK away will almost certainly leave Scotland behind.  Also, although it’s possible to leave Ireland in place, its northern part will also have to be left behind with it, as the fault line through the Irish Sea is the inevitable one of fracture.

But even the movement of the remainder of the UK is proving problematic.  As a necessary prelude, arrangements were made to seal the Channel Tunnel with concrete.  However, the government followed its now established policy of awarding contracts to friends, relations, or just people they’d met down the local pub, so the lucky winners of this contract didn’t actually know anything about concrete.  Therefore the stuff they pumped down there never set, and instead just formed a kind of muddy slurry that merely slowed the trains down a bit.  Also, nothing has been heard from the people contracted to cut the undersea power cables, although a momentary surge was detected at around the expected time.

And so on…..

We may here, to help assuage our disappointments, be poking a little fun at this genuinely sad turn of events, but decent satire (and hopefully also ours!) does have to be based on at least a grain of truth.  The UK has always been an integral part of Europe, and that reality cannot be changed by even the most resolute of political idealists.  And part of that reality is that Cairn is still here, and we are still determined  to offer our goods and services to our European friends.

A further specific announcement about facilitating future sales to the EU will follow shortly, but of course we are also keen to continue to trade anywhere else in this increasingly interconnected world, so we close by sending our New Year greetings, and we look forward to continuing to serve you in 2021 and beyond, wherever you may be!